read this or you're gay (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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jackassery2014-06-21 02:33 pm
derogatory) wrote in jackassery2014-06-21 02:33 pm
Entry tags:
every ship is equal, and no one is more powerful than the sea.
HOW TO PLAY
- Give me as many "five things" prompt for any characters or fandom that you know I'm into
- I will try to write it
- no promises.
COMPLETE
five moments of gay panic for victor
four times victor missed nathan before finding him again (and one time he really didn't)
five disastrous toasts from victor and nathan's big gay wedding
five things about avenger victor and supervillain karolina
five times chase and victor were not friends
five ways victor's bad end could've gone
four successful missions nathan and victor went on (and one that could have gone a lot better)
five moments inside the mentor's lounge
five times victor regretted letting nathan move in
anyway here's wonderwall
five disastrous toasts from victor and nathan's big gay wedding
“Chase has a acoustic guitar,” Victor cries as his own stilted 'good luck homos' toast wraps up, but it’s too late; Chase has already stumbled through the opening chords and the bottles of champagne are too expensive to throw at him.
“Since when did he learn how to play guitar,” Molly wrinkles her nose in disgust while Klara tentatively admits the song is quite charming, did he write it himself?
“Hold it,” Curtis swings in his seat to face the future-hopping girl. “You’re sayin you don’t know Oasis?” One shoulder shrug later and the Misfits each have their phones out, Simon slipping headphones around Klara’s delicate updo so she can hear the (infinitely superior) version over Chase’s.
Victor flinches at Chase messing up the third keychange of Wonderwall and takes Nathan’s hand, looking back at him helplessly.
“If there was ever a time where I went super evil and murdered everyone,” he whispers. “I hope it’s now.”
ii.
They asked Tony not to wear the Iron Man suit to the wedding, or get too drunk, and apparently he thought that meant they were okay with him doing both at the same time.
“Pepper and I always said we wouldn’t get married until the gays could,” he slurs, and half of the toast is sloshing over the table. Pepper has long since given up trying to stop Tony when he is like this, maybe she never even bothers, and is sitting stock still beside him, most likely dreaming about the many business-appropriate ways she will make him pay for this. “And I’m so thankful our efforts to take a stand led to a wedding like this.”
“Oh, wow,” Victor mutters under his breath, sinking deeper into the chair. “That was you? Thank you so much.”
iii.
Hank’s derailed into something that’s half a confession for Ultron and some kind of nostalgia for the early age of robotics and Victor feels like if he sinks any lower in his seat he will wind up in the basement.
“Play the Rains of Castamere,” he begs, fingers digging into the sleeve of Nathan’s tux. “Do anything, but please make him stop.”
“As soon as I’m done laughing,” Nathan assures his boyfriend- husband, husband and there’s a funny hitch in his throat that stops his laughter faster than Natasha’s draw, shooting the drink out of Pym’s hand. Hank sits down.
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Nico’s only the Sorcerer Supreme in training, but she’s a commanding enough presence when she stands in front of everyone, they shut up in seconds flat. Or she curses the room voiceless, which is what Victor suspects from his sudden onset dry mouth. He wasn’t sure what speech he expected, although Karolina had warned him Nico prepared some notes. Which made it all the more disappointing when Nico shoves some hair out of her eyes, mutters a ‘congratulations’ and speeds out into the hall.
“Well,” Nathan says, reaching for a drink. “I think that’s my favorite one so far.” Victor swats away the proposed toast, on his feet and out of the reception room and after her. He cringes at the funny ripple in the crowd as he passes, the murmur that starts up behind him. They can think whatever they want, he’s as likely to get back together with Nico as it was Ultron sending him a wedding present.
“You can’t out run me,” Victor calls as she breaks through the doors into the night air. “uh In those shoes, I mean. That sounded kinda evil, huh?”
“Halfway there,” she replies, twisting on a finger thin heel to face him, arms crossed over her chest. “What’s up.”
“Your toast,” he starts, hands at the back of his neck, nodding to the paper crumpled in her hand. “That’s all you’re gonna say?” Look, she starts, gearing up for a fit, if you can’t take me saying something nice- “No, I’m glad you did. I just don’t know why you needed a notecard that just said ‘congrats’ on it. You’re the smart one.”
“No,” she grumbles, fussing with her hair again. “Gert was the smart one.” Any potential fight or flight zapped with the mention of a not present Runaway, Nico settles against the steps with a groan, stretching out her legs to slip off the heels. Victor eases down to sit beside her, leaning back against the cement. “You’re gonna wreck your suit.” She points out.
“Wedding’s over, only job left for this suit is to get ripped off me in the honeymoon suite.” He wheezes when she smacks him with a gloved hand. They linger in silence, hearing the music start up again, the general chatter of gossip-hungry Avengers and their plus ones.
“What did it say?” he asks quietly. She’s gingerly smoothing out the paper between her fingers, but angling it away from his line of sight. “Were you going to sing too?”
“No!" She shrieks. "Chase didn’t tell me he was gonna sing! I would’ve hexed him if I’d known.” She pulls her legs underneath her, a skeptical stare under her eyelashes, before conceding, “It’s dumb.”
“I wanna hear it,” he presses and gets a notecard to the mouth for his trouble. Victor pulls back and retrieves it, glancing between the words and Nico before he begins to read it aloud,
“ ‘Victor was a late addition to our team, and not entirely by choice either. He didn’t exactly fit in, since only half of his parents were murderers, but I’m pretty sure Ultron counts for two. He got stupid jealous over anything, sulked around most of the time, and nitpicked about the dumbest things.’ ” Victor side-eyes the girl next to him. “This is a really touching tribute,” he murmurs as an aside. “I’m so glad Nathan and I decided to invite exes.”
“A sorcerer cannot lie,” she smirks with perfectly pressed lips. “That enough?”
“No way,” he grins through the digs and continues, “ ‘But he worked really hard to prove he was a member of a team who didn’t really want him around that much to begin with.’ ” Although that remark hits something deeper. Vic pauses long enough that Nico bumps their shoulders together gently.
“To begin with,” she reiterates, voice softer than her eye makeup, watching him closely.
“Right,” Victor swallows, and reads on, “ ‘He had a lot of chances to leave, to go with an actual family or people who were better to him, but he didn’t. We picked up and left instead, and he had to go out and be gay the second we leave him unattended’- There’s a little more nuance to it than that,” he protests around the girl’s laughter, who waves for him to continue.
“ ‘So then the Avengers took on a whiny, selfish, possibly genocidal robot because we ditched him.’ That is exactly what you did,” he reminds her firmly.
“Yes,” she replies, smirking, head on his shoulder, “I was there.”
“ ‘And it turns out he’s actually more of a superhero than the rest of us.’” Victor turns the corners of the paper in his hands, avoiding Nico’s stare. He coughs, “ ‘I will always tell you-’ Is this part directed to me?” She nods. “ ‘I will always tell you what a jerk you are, because we are still the Runaways and that makes us family.’ ” The touched silence is interrupted by Victor laughing, voice still tight as he taps a spot on the paper with a snicker, “This part says ‘raise glass’ like you’re giving yourself stage notes, I love it. Ha.. ‘I’m glad you found another team that treats you a little better, whether or not you deserve it.’ Oh.” He frowns, turning the card over to verify he reached the end. Nico’s moved past the sentimentality, the emotional openness of her speech and into delighting in the agony is caused, like a true master of the dark arts.
“That’s kinda a shitty note to end it on,” Victor says while she straightens up, shrugs, and he pries further, “Were you being mean or nice? I literally cannot tell, that was like 90% trashtalk. Can you not do sarcasm anymore?”
Nico rolls her eyes, “Have you ever heard Stephen? A sorcerer can so do sarcasm, he’s getting out of control.”
“Guys?” Karolina’s voice filters into earshot behind them, the light she tosses coming into view soon after. “Look, I give it like another minute before Nathan starts assuming you ran off together, so can we cut short whatever’s going on here, please?” She approaches them with reserve, making a great show of relief when she spots them sitting an acceptable distance apart. “Oh good, Nico’s wearing a shirt this time.” Ha, ha, Nico mutters, taking the girl’s offered hand and easing onto her stockinged feet. She gathers up her shoes in one hand and reaches down to Victor with the other.
“Okay, let’s bring him back,” she says, digging her nails into Victor’s palms as the two girls pull the groom back to his feet, turning back to the reception.
“Oh, this is cute!” Karolina laughs, “It’s like we’re giving you away. Link arms with us.”
"No way," Vic snaps, grip tight around the notecard in his pocket.
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Jeremy raises a glass and leaves out the parts about the nudity and assault, focusing on Nathan’s good intentions, his protective nature. He talks about how proud he is to call him his stepson, and what good he’s brought to the world by being a part of this amazing team. He says he’s thrilled everyday Nathan and his mom let him into their family, and couldn't be happier with welcoming Victor now too. It’s all very poignant and charming and Nathan’s mom reaches up and squeezes Jeremy’s hand when he even tears up a little at the finish.
So in the end, they’re the disasters, sitting front and center as two guys who’ve never had a decent father figure between them, presented with a loving and supportive, albeit late in life model, and neither man having the good sense to just say thank you and move on when Jeremy takes a seat.
(“Sorry, thank you,” Victor finally manages as Jeremy and Louise lean over the table to say goodnight. Jeremy gives Victor’s hand a firm shake back.
“Por nada,” he replies and Nathan groans, you ruined it!)
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oh my god tony. OH MY GOD TONY. FACE IN MY HANDS. sloppy drunk in the iron man suit flksdjfds IT'S BASICALLY THE BEGINNING OF IM2 but with less booth babes. probably. please don't bring an entourage of booth babes tony. also pepper just zoning out next to him thinking of all the ways she's going to get him back for this I FUCKING LOVE IT. i can imagine gwenpo staring placidly into space with murder right behind her eyes and it makes me so happy. flkjsd THAT WAS YOU? OH GOOD. god tony is awful and you know how much i love him so i'm so happy he's in this sob sob sob
FLKSDFLKSJDLKSJD GOD HANK'S ENDLESS RAMBLING SPEECH you know it goes on for like fifteen minutes and every time someone tries to stop him he's like NO NO I'LL WRAP THIS UP, JUST ONE MORE THING and it never fucking ends. god. THE GOOD OLD DAYS OF ROBOTICS curtis is asleep. flsdkjflsdkj play the rains of castamere ONLY IF YOU REALY DO GO ROGUE AND START KILLING EVERYONE ROBOCOP and in that case then please, me first. HUSBAND!! :(( babies also flsdkjfsdlkj thanks natasha. they should have you at the oscars to shoot people when their speeches go on too long too
NICO. NICO. NICO NICO NICO NIIIIIIICOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oh my actual fucking god nico. flkdjs WELL THAT ONE'S MY FAVOURITE and chasing after her and everyone being like :o flkjsdflkdj oh no. oh no. sob. GOD I JUST LOVE THE BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN HER BEING SWEET AND SOUR (NOT RACIST, ALSO NOT A EUPHEMISM) SO MUCH she can't say one nice thing without following it up with one mean one and i love it. I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTT thank god nobody else got to hear that though, how fucking embarrassing for victor. actually all of these are embarrassing never mind. BUT GOD "TO BEGIN WITH" NICO CAN YOU NOT?? EVEN THOUGH IT'S TRUE. COULD YOU. JUST. NOT. THANKS flskdjr goddddddd stage notes and GOD WHETHER YOU DESERVE IT OR NOT. OH MY GOD. oh my god i have nothing to say but oh my god. nico you are a hot mess. but also kind of sweet? thank you? BUT ALSO NOT??? lkrjsdlkjfds scream i just love it. IT'S LIKE WE'RE GIVING YOU AWAY girls no that part is done for can we please not go back to the argument over who walks whom down the aisle. RLKJDS SHIT AND THE SUIT'S ONLY JOB IS TO GET RIPPED OFF VICTOR STOP THAT IS YOUR EX YOU'RE TALKING TO rlkjds fucking. god. keep that notecard forever :(((((( FAMILYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
god i physically cannot deal with jeremy giving a heartfelt toast. and both of them just sitting there like what. someone paternal who isn't fucking everything up. does not compute. i CANNOT DEAL lfkjds nathan's protective nature and how happy they are to welcome victor into the family oh my god. nathan is HORRIFIED. also probably beet red it's the only thing in the history of the world to make him blush. GENUINE FAMILIAL AFFECTION WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO WITH IT rlksdj god and both of them not knowing how to respond. THEY'RE THE DISASTERS!! my little sad noise but also it's so true. congratulations guys how much of a mess your wedding is really does reflect what a mess you are. BUT A HAPPY MESS SO IT'S OK sdlfkjsdflksdjrlskdj por nada. jesus jeremy. shut the fuck up or we're not doing christmas together next year.
GOD I LOVE IT THANK YOU I LOVE IT SO MUCH I FELL ASLEEP WITH IT OPEN ON MY PHONE LAST NIGHT AND WOKE UP WITH A GIDDY DUMB LITTLE SMILE nathan and victor may hate their friends but i love every single asshole in this bar