read this or you're gay (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
derogatory) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
jackassery2014-06-21 02:33 pm
derogatory) wrote in jackassery2014-06-21 02:33 pm
Entry tags:
every ship is equal, and no one is more powerful than the sea.
HOW TO PLAY
- Give me as many "five things" prompt for any characters or fandom that you know I'm into
- I will try to write it
- no promises.
COMPLETE
five moments of gay panic for victor
four times victor missed nathan before finding him again (and one time he really didn't)
five disastrous toasts from victor and nathan's big gay wedding
five things about avenger victor and supervillain karolina
five times chase and victor were not friends
five ways victor's bad end could've gone
four successful missions nathan and victor went on (and one that could have gone a lot better)
five moments inside the mentor's lounge
five times victor regretted letting nathan move in
you said it i'm just putting it here for posterity
five moments of gay panic for victor (SORRY THIS IS THE FIRST ONE I DO AND ITS SHORT)
“You still there?” Victor cringes, turning his back to the wind to hear the voice on the other end of the phone. It’s loud as hell across the stretches of nothing between them and the next safehouse.
“Uh huh,” Karolina manages after a pause. The wind over the desert, the interstellar distances and shock have left her voice more muted than usual.
“Dios, just say something,” he sighs, crouching down, knees feeling too weak to keep him upright any longer. He peers tentatively around the corner of the gas station in case anyone’s lingering close enough to hear that last confession, one hand idly picking at his shoelaces.
“Okay?” she manages at last. “I mean, I know you said he was into you or whatever, and I’m happy you’re um with somebody. But is this really something you wanted to do?” Victor’s nerves sink into a deep knot of shame when Karolina suddenly cries, “Oh, god, he didn’t, like force-”
“No!” he snaps, pressing his back against the wall. “I’m not some-- That’s not what happened. It just.. happened, and now it’s done.”
“So are you guys um. Going to do it again?”
“No,” Victor groans, pressing spots into his eyes with the heel of his palm. He lets out a long, thin breath. “I don’t know. It wasn’t- bad, or whatever. He’s a good guy and he’s going through a lot and I think maybe this is helping?”
“Oh my god,” Karolina whispers and he loves her in that moment for not saying it loud enough for Xavin to hear. “You don’t go gay for guys because you think it’s ‘helping’ them!”
“I didn’t ‘go gay!’” he bristles, adding stubbornly, “It’s not a big deal, maybe it’ll happen again, no se.. He saved my life.”
“And put his hands down your pants and you’re gonna do it again! Oh my gosh! Vic!!” Although she could’ve lowered her voice for that next one. He hurriedly hangs up the phone when Rictor comes out of the shop.
no subject
ii.
Shatterstar is back planetside and he’s willing to talk and Rictor barely hit the mark when he reaches around Victor to kiss his forehead.
“This was fun,” he says and assures him that if he ever needs anything, he can call. Victor feels like the room is spinning, but it might be how fast Julio is packing up his things. He's not the most skilled mutant at toning down the powers, and while there's enough fracking happening in the Southwest now that no one thinks too much about earthquakes, it doesn't help Victor feel any less floored by the news.
“You’re leaving now?” Victor asks and flinches at the crack in his voice. “What about tomorrow-”
“Tomorrow is easy, you’ve got this, you barely even need me with your powers.” He slings his bag over a shoulder, meeting eyes with Victor for the first time since he closed the call. Victor twists his face away, because it's stupid, this was fun and they guy still wears a wedding ring, the fuck did you expect?
Rictor moves forward, hands carding through Victor’s hair, keeping him steady with what easily has to be some kind of earth tremor powers, because Victor knows he’s not fucking shaking. It's stupid.
“Carino,” he murmurs and Victor grimaces at the way it runs through him, the hands along his neck. “Go back home and see your friends. We did a lot of good here, yeah?” Victor nods dumbly when Rictor leans in to kiss him again, a pat on the side of the face, an adios and he’s out the door.
“He took the car,” Victor hisses into his drink, alone but at least with the alcohol cracked open. He tells himself that’s why he’s so freaked out by the silence in the hotel room, by the distance between him and their next point, by being completely alone again because someone worked through their emotional problems by hooking up with you and peacing out. No, it’s the car, because how the fuck else is he supposed to cross 100 miles in the desert tomorrow?
He wants to pick up like it’s no big deal, because it’s not like he’s gay or anything. Or completely lose it and tear up the hotel room like a rockstar. But he’s tired and there’s a cartel to break up tomorrow, alone, and Victor mutinously puts himself into bed.
When he gets back to the U.S, somebody in recruiting mentions he and Shatterstar renewed their vows in Lake Tahoe and good for them, he grumbles, tapping his foot in the Stark Enterprise’s lounge. Asshole still took my car.
no subject
Victor has taken an eight hour flight and a four hour search as soon he’s in the city without once thinking Nathan might not have any memory of New Moore at all. The thought only comes up when Victor walks through the door. He planned out a naturally cool expression in the airplane bathroom mirror and something funny to say, but the thought that this Nathan who ran through a burning building, who looks an sounds the same way on the news footage might not be the person he knew on the island, that thought crashes into him all at once and Vic figures his entry looks more lost than smooth.
Nathan has his elbows on the counter, glancing up from a book disinterested for a second, then again, slower, and recognition is over his features, which is when Victor starts breathing again.
“Hey,” he says, laughing when the other man practically vaults over the counter. “Hey,” Victor repeats as Nathan rushes him, catching him by his shoulders and Victor feels like the TV in the background must’ve had some quasi-religious show on, because the last time he felt this way was from the unanswerable questions. His vision is narrowing into a pinpoint and all the sounds around them are thick and muffled, everything obscured except for Nathan who keeps squeezing his arms like he's not sure Victor's real. Like he dreaded the same lack of recognition.
Nathan pulls back from clapping him on the back, from touching him and Victor feels himself inch after the contact.
“It’s good to see you, guey,” Victor says.
Oh fuck, he thinks.
no subject
“Stop distracting me,” Victor laughs, and the electromagnetic field deflects a couple stray bullets. He draws back the pulse before hurling it over the makeshift barricade across the street. He claws back onto his feet, a withering grin in Nathan’s direction.
“Oh, so it’s my fault every time I look at you, you’re on your ass?” he snickers, resting his arms on his knees. Nathan is being all of fuck nothing help, sitting in the rubble and talking shit rather than trading blow with whatever new alien race thought New York was an ace place to invade. “You’re the proper superhero here, at least try and stay on your feet.”
“You need to get to cover,” Victor warns him, still smiling, taking a few steps forward before the hail of some kind of metal projectile knock his shield back. He wavers unsteady on his feet before catching his balance this time, huffing in frustration at how his strategy went from inadvisable to pinned down in about ten minutes flat. “Stay out of range, I don’t want to knock any bullets your way-” An explosion rocks the building across from them and Victor spots the glint of the shrapnel soar past him, towards Nathan and moves too slow.
“Stay down,” he orders, crouched over the other man, putting up the shield behind them in case any more debris reaches their side. He can feel glass digging into the back of his arms. “Pinche culero- You all right?” Nathan squints after him, fingers testing the bloody mess his abdomen has turned into. Victor swears again, lashing out with a pulse at an enemy too smart to get close enough to hit, just let the collapsing scenery do its work for them.
“I dunno, will I need any of these organs oozing outta me?” Nathan croaks.
“It’s not that bad,” Vic responds instantly, but keeps a hand on his shoulder to hold Nathan back from sitting up. His wrist twists with muscle memory, with the feel of Nathan under his hands, bloody and bruised and christ, that’s what you think of now? He stops himself short of an apology, no need to let your wounded best friend know you’re imagining what it was like to murder him.
“Can it be?” Nathan asks, and there’s glass in his hair. “At least if I die I get to sleep half of this assignment off.” He tries to raise his arms in a shrug and he cries out. That’s it, that’s exactly what it sounded like to kill your best friend slowly, twisting dulled knives between his ribs.
“Dios,” he breathes and pushes Nathan’s hands back down over the wounds to try to stem some of the blood, keep him from making that noise. His chest feels funny under the soaked shirt- not that he’d been thinking about what Nathan’s chest felt like, obviously. “Shut up, you’re not dying. I’ll get a medic.”
“Ah, fuck it,” he groans. “Look, I’ll go crawl under a sign or something, take an hour or two of a dirt nap, come back good as new.” He grins with too nice teeth, weren’t guys in England supposed to have fucked up teeth? How’d he get such a perfect dumbass grin. Victor can’t share the expression, and angrily puts Nathan’s hands back over the pulsing chest wound, the rapidly growing mess of blood between them.
Nathan coughs, “No more distractions. Oi. Careful,” he warns and Victor narrowly ducks (shoving Nathan’s head down along with him) from the trajectory of another set of shrapnel.
“Can you be more specific than ‘careful!’” he snarls, feeling something sharp twist along his elbow. He’s found it gets easier to run on adrenaline if you don’t look at whatever stabbed you, old superhero trick. Nathan’s trying to sit up again. “Stop moving around!” Victor’s caught between trying to shove him and hold him together while Nathan squirms free. Miserably, Victor settles on the second, realizing a medic wouldn't be able to fix this.
“You know,” Nathan rests against his elbows. “You’re over-reactin’, it’ll only take- what’s it now? Seven minutes? I’m getting quick at it, must be all this practice.”
“I’m trying to keep you alive, pendejo!” he snaps, blood to his wrists. “Since you suck so much at doing it yourself.”
“Aw, Robocop,” Nathan’s laugh is more of a gurgle than anything else. “It’s getting late and you’re getting sassy, so I’m just gonna go die now. Bring me back up when you’re through pitching a fit.”
“Don’t,” Victor groans and Nathan rolls his eyes, trying to extract Victor's hands.
“Why the fuck not-”
“Because I don’t want you to die, I want you here with me, okay?” It would be wrong to say the silence that follows Victor’s snap was particularly loud, since bullets and explosions were still happening all around them. It was loud enough, Victor concedes with a cringe, hurriedly turning away from Nathan’s confused expression, running electricity through some nearby re-bar to locate any hostiles. He really hopes there’s something nearby he can kill that isn’t his best friend.
“Okay,” Nathan manages at last, voice small behind him. “But I’m still gonna go ahead and die now.”
He’s a fucking liar. It takes twelve minutes. It only took eight for Victor to start panicking, to imagine these scenarios where he has to turn over the body to the science interns, to think about going back to Guadalajara and never talking about Avengers or New Moore, or weird feelings again. At least not ones about an undead Irishman. He stops counting the minutes around ten, otherwise preoccupied. It takes him a minute to notice Nathan waking up, growling at his ruined shirt. He nods in recognition to Victor, resting against a broken display frame.
“All right. So I’m working on the time thing,” he offers apologetically. “We good?” Victor nods, inching back into a seat alongside his friend, best friend, literally nothing more. He keeps his eyes elsewhere, at a fire inside a real estate office down the road.
“Can you please forget I said anything embarrassing?” he wheezes.
“Never,” Nathan says, and he’s trying to catch Victor’s eyes, uncomfortably less amused by the situation by the second, bordering on terrified. “Anything else you wanna say?” he asks, reaching up to put a hand on Victor’s arm, pulling back when he feels the crunch of metal and glass under his uniform sleeve.
“Yeah,” Victor coughs more red onto Nathan’s jacket. “Can you take me to the hospital?”
“Oh, fuck!”
Re: you said it i'm just putting it here for posterity
To: K
Subj: bwoop bwoop gay distress call
please be up, I know i said i wouldn’t but I think I’m gonna talk to nathan?? maybe
To: Vic
Subj: hello this is gay 911 whats ur homommergency
No worries its like 3rd noon over here. omg omg ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
To: Vic
Subj:
what made u change ur mind?
To: K
Subj: that was pretty funny, how long you been sitting on that?
I had the worst away w Quicksilver and he had some advice.
To: Vic
Subj: lol since the last late nite texts u sent
1) u told ur like second cousin about ur crush on n????
2) he is unqualified 4 love advice hes into incest
To: K
Subj:
NO TO BOTH THANKS
To: K
Subj:
He just said theres enough shit in life to make you feel miserable, you don’t need the people you care about adding to that
To: Vic
Subj: wise magneto jr
aww thats kinda nice. Isnt he sorta a bad guy tho?
To: K
Subj: wise older tommy
Oh, totally, he’s like one botched mission away from a world domination grab, i dont trust him as far as i can throw him. I’m gonna fuck off for a while but yeah. maybe talking to Nathan tonight?? I don’t know
To: K
Subj:
I think he’s mad at me or something? Or quitting the team, me being a big gay is not what he needs.
To: Vic
Subj: ohhhhhhhhh its a pity party emmergency
oh vic. its not about what he needs!! what do U need
To: K
Subj:
What I need is to get over this. I’ ask for your advice but if I remember right you had a space fiancee to help you put aside your friendcrush.
To: Vic
Subj:
Oh is it getting late there? Cuz ur gettin sassy
To: K
Subj: uggggggggggggggh why is the late/sassy a thing now?????
I’ll call you later
To: Vic
Subj: ITS LATER WHERE IS MY CALL
omg so u told him? he texted me
To: Vic
Subj: ACK
OMG SO U DIDNT OH NO
To: Vic
Subj:
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I IDNT O THAT ON PURPOSE
To: Vic
Subj:
Mostly ;)
To: Vic
Subj: still waitingggg….
if he says something shitty i will knock his teeth out
To: Vic
well Ill make Xavin do it
To: K
Subj: Sry fell asleep
He says we’re boyfriends now.
To: Vic
Subj: re; Sry fell asleep
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
To: Vic
Subj:
wait was he joking?
To: K
Subj:
I literally asked him that like ten times, he says no.
To: Vic
Subj:
awwww i can’t wait to tell Xavin
To: K
Subj: NO
DO NOT TELL XAVIN KAROLINA I MEAN IT
no subject
IT COULD BE 5 SENTENCES AND I'D BE OVERJOYED
LFKJDS YOU DON'T GO GAY FOR GUYS JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK IT'S HELPING THEM!!!! karolina is the best interplanetary gay consultant even if she can't keep her voice down. YOU'RE TOTALLY GONNA DO IT AGAIN VICTOR. AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN. flkjsd javier bardem was all i could think during this i can't. i can't. i hate you so much
OH MY GOD MY HEART HAD A SADNESS SEIZURE THOUGH BECAUSE cariño :((( oh my god. ugh he totally likes him but HE WAS MARRIED THE WHOLE TIME IDIOT WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?? uh maybe for things not to end shittily. god, just being a means for someone to work out their shit and then bounce, HAHAHA MY HEART. flkjsd and he still puts himself to bed early to get up and be responsible and destroy the cartel!! HUSBAND MATERIAL except not for rictor. god what a dick. THIS WAS FUN shut up you fucking shitlord.
I LITERALLY CAN'T TALK ENOUGH ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THE REUNION HAHAHAHAHAH ;A; HAH i mean obviously because, my weakness. but also because GOD HE DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT NATHAN NOT REMEMBERING HIM UNTIL THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND!! i know we talked about that at fanime so much but it still gets me every time. IT LIKE DIDN'T EVEN OCCUR TO HIM and then it does and it's a moment of pure terror. god and fucking nathan flskjdfls looking up like OH GOOD another boring customer in my boring fucking life and then his LITTLE FACE!!!!!!! and leaping over the counter and barreling him over oh my god. oh my god. BLUE SCREEN OF GAY DEATH and leaning into the contact lfkjds fucking. screaming. rlskjd "OH FUCK" he's like everything's fine it'll be fine. OH GOD EVERYTHING IS THE OPPOSITE OF FINE ABORT MISSION HE CUT HIS HAIR IT'S LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THE BEATLES god victor is so hopelessly far gone from the get-go that tickles me goddamn pink. AND HE'S SO HAPPY cries nathan is so happy to have his best friend back. he would literally never stop smiling (PERFECT TEETH AHAH also, racist, irish dentristy is vastly superior to english) guaranteed someone at the airport was like sir please stop touching your friend in the security line, hands to yourself. what a terrible person to fall for.
GODDDDDD NATHAN BEING PATENTLY UNHELPFUL DURING A MISSION and doing what he does best....... dying in a really gross way. rlksdj ugh god everything you told me couldn't have prepared me for how sad victor trying to keep him alive is. IT'S SO SAD. AND IMAGINING MURDERING HIM HAHAHAHAH OHHHHHHHHHHH MY FUCKING GOD ay dios mio i straight up hissed at that. "that's what it sounded like to kill your best friend slowly" jackie what the FUCK. WHY. FLSKDJ BUT THEN YOU MADE ME LAUGH SO FUCKIG HARD AND LITERALLY KICK MY LAPTOP OFF THE COUCH AT IT'S GETTIN LATE AND YOU'RE GETTIN SASSY
fglsdhflsjd and victor's IMMEDIATE PANIC when he doesn't regenerate in time. PLAN B: MOVE BACK TO MEXICO AND DON'T TALK TO ANYONE, EVER. yeah great plan robocop, chill the fuck out and let a man regrow his organs. SOB AND HIS FUCKED UP ARM they are such a goddamn mess. how many times do you think nathan had to drag his sorry robot ass to a hospital all covered in blood and be like no no no not me, i'm fine, he's the one who's broken here. POOR VICTOR
HELLO THIS IS GAY 911 WHAT'S UR HOMOMERGENCY
I LOVE KAROLINA
SO
FUCKING
MUCH
i could read 9000 words of texts from karolina and i would be delighted the ENTIRE damn time
roisdjflksdj oh my god pietro's advice THANKS A LOT YOU NUTTER. flsdkj why is late/sassy a thing now?? TOO BAD IT'S A THING NOW AND FOREVER rlksjd god can i tell you one of my favorite running jokes throughout this whole series is victor constantly assuming the exact opposite of what nathan is actually thinking
it's like
victor: karolina he hates me he's going to leave the team
nathan: (fuck i like him so much this is a problem)
victor: karolina he's going to break up with me
nathan: (fuck i opposite of want to break up with him i'm so stupid in love i'm fucked)
victor: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TALKING ABOUT BREAKING UP NOW
nathan: (i literally cannot live without him i'm SO FUCKED)
LIKE GRANTED HE STARTS ACTING LIKE A SHIFTY MOTHERFUCKER EVERY TIME HE HAS SOME KIND OF HUGE REALISATION SO IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE BUT IT NEVER STOPS BEING HILARIOUS TO ME
spoilers it carries over into the ireland fic too
victor: DID YOU DRAG ME ALL THE WAY TO IRELAND TO TELL ME WE NEED TO TAKE A BREAK
nathan: ???? what no hey check out this ring.
it never ever stops being funny to me please never get smarter victor you are the best emotionally stupid robot
RLKSJD GOD ALSO "CAN'T WAIT TO TELL XAVIN"
YOU KNOW XAVIN IS WATCHING CLERKS II FOR THE 700TH TIME AND IS LIKE BELOVED
WHILE IT PLEASES ME TO SEE YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILE AT THIS NEWS
I CARE NOT.
god god GOD I LOVE EVERYTHING SO MUCH THANK YOU =3= =3= =3= write everything forever please thank you