jackassery | (no subject)

you don't have to answer that if that is considered me cheating.

you're very 9uick.
if it is cheatin9, i've little care for that rule
6ut i feel there is a reason aside from "i was curious" that you're askin9.

my friends and i are playing too.
or we were playing, i guess.
i'm just trying to wrap my head around the paradox space shenanigans going on right now.

final answer?

oh jeez, i really feel like i should not go down this road!!!

6ecause you feel that way, i must ask: are you still interested?

so you
or someone
caused the scratch, right?

i mean, you had to have.

right?

i must also ask in advance you for9ive my very unspecific answers
as you understand the nature of what you're askin9
i'm sure you also understand my memory is very unclear.

you're correct.
who or how, i don't remem6er, 6ut it happened.
after that point our universe ceased to exist
and i was the only one who remem6ered it existed at all.
durin9 my life, i didn't know what those memories were
they were confusin9.
this period afterward has clarified thin9s for me
and i feel calmer a6out what happened
6ut i'm afraid what i know now still ultimately tells me nothin9.

does the answer fri9hten you?

not really. it has to happen.
maybe a little bit, but it's a selfish fear, and i can't be selfish about this.
i guess it does not matter anyway, considering where i am?
but it's good to know.

i wonder why you remembered.

if it's any consolation to these so-called selfish fears,
i don't 6elieve it would 6e 9uite the same.

i'm not certain why i remem6er
6ut i do know without those memories, perhaps i wouldn't have done anythin9
and the num6er of friends you have in our race would decrease
if not cease to exist alto9ether.
none of us would have learned anythin9.

wow. really?

it seems arro9ant to say "perhaps some wouldn't exist if not for my actions"
6ut what i mean is everythin9 we do is connected.
for the rest of them, it was the same. their actions impacted their descendants.
even that for9otten universe served a purpose, so our failure was necessary.
for me: i was not on the hemospectrum. i had no si9n. if not driven 6y those memories, perhaps i'd simply have died after a life of runnin9 from those who'd have me culled due to my 6lood color.
in the most likely scenario, my descendant would have hatched with no si9n, no lusus, and died 9uickly 6ecause there are no lon9er adults on alternia who mi9ht take pity on a lone 9ru6.
everythin9 would have happened differently and no one would have known. only another anomaly.

had i known any of these details 6ack then, i would have 6een afraid.
it's 6est not to think excessively a6out it while it's happenin9.

my dad used to say that what is happening right now is exactly what should be happening.
i still catch myself thinking about the past and future a lot though!
i think most humans do it. probably some trolls too.
also, it makes my head hurt if i think about it too much.

so, i guess...

(no subject)

riseup - 2011-10-18 06:52 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

riseup - 2011-10-18 06:53 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

riseup - 2011-10-18 06:55 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

riseup - 2011-10-18 06:55 (UTC) - Expand

please for9ive the handmaid
her life has 6een lon9 and painful.

it's ok, i am sure she has her reasons.
i just don't want whatever happened to her to happen to aradia.
that is probably not how it works, i know, but...
i don't want any of what happened to you guys to happen to my friends.

from what i have seen and heard of your friends
i 6elieve you'll find the opposite will likely happen.

i really hope so.
thank you.